


Breaking

by MolestingMusic



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Bitch!Brendon, Complete and Epic Bitch!Ryan, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Vagueness, it’s written backwards, the repetition of the words ‘I need you’
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 20:51:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7189745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MolestingMusic/pseuds/MolestingMusic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon thinks differently. He jumps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t even know what this is. But I’m going on three days (maybe more) of no sleep, and this is what happened. I, just. I’m not sure if this even makes any sense to anyone else. I'm crazy, forgive me. But feedback is wonderful and I would appreciate it anyway. <3

“Brendon, don’t fucking jump,” Ryan pleads, demands. There’s no reason for Brendon to end up as another tragedy, face plastered on the front pages of the local newspapers.

Brendon thinks differently.

He jumps.

-

Ryan doesn’t think he’ll regret it later, so he yells at Brendon. Tells him to “Fuck off, you stupid prick.” Says, “I don’t need you. Can’t you see that?” 

Something flashes in Brendon’s eyes. Something foreign and dangerous and sad. His strong hands slither away from Ryan’s wrists, his eyes slide away from Ryan’s face. His shoes suddenly become very interesting. 

Ryan rubs at his wrists like they hurt, even though they don’t. Brendon hadn’t been holding on very tight. He glares at Brendon, daring him to do something with his eyes. Daring him to give up. “What will it take for you to realize that you aren’t good enough for me, huh? Are you delusional? Do you not see that I deserve better? I don’t need you.”

Brendon sucks in his cheeks, bites the inside of his mouth- hard. It hurts, but he deserves it. He deserves to cry, but not in front of Ryan. He blinks his eyes in a futile effort to hold back the tears. One escapes to slide down his cheek anyway.

There is an audible gasp from Ryan, who cringes upon realizing what he’s just said- what‘s he just done.

Broken an innocent boy.

He reaches out his long fingers to pull Brendon in and comfort him, but Brendon flinches away, mumbles, “I need you.”

Ryan bites his lip, watches in silence as Brendon leaves.

He makes the mistake of waiting too long to follow.

-

Brendon shakes his head, takes Ryan’s hand in his and squeezes. Ryan pulls away like he’s been burned. “I never said I loved you, Ryan. Or even that I liked you, or lusted after you.” He sighs and closes his eyes, the sting of the rejection dulled to an ache. “I don’t. None of that.”

Ryan narrows his eyes, scoots further away from Brendon. “That’s what you said. You love me. You said it.”

“I didn’t, though. I didn’t say that,” Brendon insists. “I said--”

“No,” Ryan cuts him off harshly, standing abruptly and straightening his ruffled clothes. “No, I don’t want to hear it again. You don’t.”

Brendon doesn’t open his eyes until he hears the click of the door, the words I need you on the tip of his tongue.

-

“I need you.”

The words catch Ryan off guard. They send a jolt of remember that time when… straight down his spine, through his heart, into his brain.

He wheels around to look Brendon in the eye as he says, “You liar.”

-

“Don’t fucking go, Ryan,” Brendon begs, the promise of something grand in his voice if Ryan stays.

Ryan shakes his head as he tosses another worn clothing item into his open suitcase. “No, no, no, no,” he says, over and over and over until the noise is driving Brendon crazy. “No, I can’t. I don’t… I can’t… I don’t think I need this” -his tone implies ‘you’- “anymore.”

Brendon swallows thickly. He wants to move, to go to Ryan’s side and prevent him from leaving, but he doesn’t feel he has the authority anymore. “You said always,” he reminds Ryan in a whisper.

Ryan’s suitcase snaps closed. “You gave up always when you slept with her.”

“You still need me,” Brendon says weakly.

“I don’t,” Ryan says, resolute.

-

“I don’t know where I’d be without you,” Ryan sighs and puckers his lips to kiss Brendon’s neck. Brendon absently runs a hand through Ryan’s hair, smiling to himself.

“You’d be dead,” he says as if it isn’t a big deal.

Ryan snorts. “Dead. A fucking corpse.” He sits up and leans back on his elbows to look Brendon in the eye. “That’s why I need you. That’s why I’ll always need you.” He snuggles back down against Brendon, this time hooking his arms around Brendon’s middle. “That’s why I’m holding you hostage forever.”

Brendon laughs. 

-

Brendon finds Ryan just as Ryan is about to jump.

But he convinces Ryan not to.

-

The last thing he does before he dies is regret. He regrets not shoving Ryan off that goddamned roof himself. He regrets needing Ryan so bad he couldn’t live without him. He regrets…

He regrets jumping.

But it’s kind of too late.

**Author's Note:**

> In case you missed it, this is written backwards, basically. And by an insomniac. And again,feedback is wonderful <3


End file.
